I didn’t want to turn 40. I had enough of a crisis during my 30s to the point where I almost walked away from everything. I’m not older or wiser, I don’t have my shit together, I don’t know who I am or what I want to do with (what’s left of) my life.
I spend 75% of my time alone at home being miserable. My life revolves around my husband’s ridiculous shift pattern and if I’m left in charge of the dogs.
But I started trying positivity. Not the toxic kind of ‘oh well at least you’re still alive’ because I think that’s worse than being negative. Just speaking to myself kindly, imagining what happy would look and feel like. Trying to think what would make my soul happy. Positive manifestation vibes.
You know what, it helped. I had a great birthday with great people. I finally mentally stepped away from the people who didn’t show up for me how I’d show up for them. I decided that I’m done with putting myself last and it’s time to get out there and find some things just for me. Volunteering at a local animal shelter, looking for some creative classes, taking myself to gigs if no one wants to go with me. Doing what I need to make me happy for what feels like the first time in 40 years.
A week later, we had some devastating news. And the world stops again.
These things that happen 