Little Girl Lost
Posted by: pinkjellybaby on: June 29, 2009
…fear not. I did make it back from the beach party, but in rather a sorry state and with a two day hangover. As always happens with such a drunken night, pictures don’t really get taken. There are a few awful ones which I’m sure The Boy has shared, but I shall not.
Anyhow….
I have been feeling a little bit adrift recently. Perhaps it is my 26th Birthday zooming up on me in a few weeks, or perhaps it was the news that two of my closest friends are now working as full blown solicitors…but I feel like I’m getting left behind.
When I was younger, I though that by this age, I’d be married and thinking about my family. As I got older, I realised that I still felt like a young girl and that it just wasn’t realistic. It was replaced when I got to Uni by thinking that I would have an amazing career (God knows what I thought it would be in) with a house and a hot car….which never happened because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my work life or what direction to go in.
I found a direction to head in with my last job and just went crashing into that thinking it seemed as good as anything else I’d though of…and I was doing ok at it…but I left to come to Spain…
I never ever thought I would be living in another country. Ever. Don’t get me wrong, of course I love it and the way of life suits me much more out here and my brain doesn’t give way to the big grey cloud nearly as often out here….but that brain is just now turning to mush because it isn’t being used.
I can’t work out if it’s time that I knuckled down and got started on carving out a career for myself (which would more than likely involve moving back to the UK at some point in the future) and actually got to where I though I would be by now….or do I have a complete overhaul again and re-think where it actually is that I’m going and if I want to be going there?
Do I stop trying to work out what I should be doing and what career path I should be taking? Do I decide that I want to live in as many different places in the world as I can and who cares what job I have? Do I focus on maybe learning how to do something new, teach myself new things, so that when I do know where I want to go with my career, I have more tools at my disposal?
Are you where you wanted to be? Do you even know where you’re going? Or are you just enjoying the ride?
21 Responses to "Little Girl Lost"
June 29, 2009 at 16:53
Gosh its really weird. I swear every post you’ve recenkly written I could have written myself. I feel excatly like this..that all of my friends have found their place in life and I’ve been left behind. I’m 27 soon and am still working in admin on a pitance and I know its not what I want to be doing for the rest of my life but I feel i’ve left it too late in life now to make a drastic change and i’ve left it even later to try to discover what it is I should be doing. I just take solace in the little things in life I have…most of my friends with snazzy jobs and wages to match are unhappy with some aspect of their life and have stressful jobs, not enought time for relationships are are always striving for more. I think I have it easy really but I don’t think we ever stop searching to find ourselves
June 29, 2009 at 17:14
no i don’t know exactly where i want to go and i really do just wait and see where life leads me. i never thought i would be where i am now…….i didn’t actually ever know what i wanted to be. I sort of became something x
June 29, 2009 at 21:50
Today I was writing a post in my head as I wandered home about why I wasn’t where I wanted or expected to be when I was 29 . . . but I’m not sure where I DO want to be, all I know is I kinda like my life despite everything. So things haven’t gone the way I planned, but I have good friends and a lot of fun . . . and hopefully more fun to come with the guy I’ve been seeing. Sometimes I compare myself to other people too, those who are married or have kids or both . . . and I don’t really envy them. At the moment . . . I have my freedom and that is more important to me at the moment.
June 30, 2009 at 02:46
on paper, it looks like i’m on the right path. i’ve got a secure employer, the degree, the support of my parents when it comes down to the wire. but i still dont’t know that i’m fulfilled in the least bit. i have all these thoughts of ALL the gazillions of experiences I want to have and i just feel restless, like i’m missing out on something. yet there’s this catch22 that none of my travels or experiences thus far would be possible without my job.
it’s really just exhausting thinking about it!
June 30, 2009 at 13:38
Don’t worry too much. I don’t know where I’m going either. I am not very fond of my job, but I do enjoy the perks and the positives of it. I wouldn’t be able to shop, dine and enjoy so much if not for my salary, so I can live with me not loving my job. I’ll think of something later.
There are very few few people in this world who know exactly what they want and know how to achieve it. My elder sis is one of them. Although It took her 5 years, she is where she wanted to be. Touch wood.
My only goal is to be happy and enjoy and not trouble my loved ones so much. That should be enough 
For now.
June 30, 2009 at 14:58
andhari you seem to be doing the most amazing things all the time though, and by no means have a regular life! Sounds like loads of fun!
MissH my two things I take solace in are that I live on the beach and I’m no longer stressed…apart from that, well I don’t know. Most of my friends are in the UK, I’d love to be doing something I love…but I don’t know what that is. I don’t feel like it’s too late to change course, I just don’t know what course I want to be on!
Respectable are you ok with not knowing where you are going? The thought freaks me out!
Paula That’s good you feel that way. For me, I just feel like i’m wasting time sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Life is going by so fast, I worry that one day I’ll look up and I’m 50 and have done nothing with my life.
Violet I think I just feel like it would give me a purpose if there was something I was ’supposed’ to be doing. If I felt like I was put here for something other than just to be…
June 30, 2009 at 17:26
Yes in a way i am…because i can’t make myself be something. Every so often i wonder why i was never given some amazing talent…that gave me a calling to be something. then i realise that i can’t make myself talented…i can make myself ok at things. Therefore i will just have to keep going until such day as i work out what my amazing talent is.
I also think if i stress too much i’ll make myself do something i hate. The boy said to me the other day…what do you want to be except a amazing wife and mother someday…and you know what….i realised that it was ok just to want to be that xxx
June 30, 2009 at 23:39
There are days where I think my career is perfect for me, and others where it is so boring that I think to myself, what got me here? Is this really it?
I’m a few months away from the big 26 myself, and I do agree that is causes you to sit back and reflect on life. I think when we were little, we just thought of the twenties as being so “grown up” that of course we pictured ourselves married and with babies at this point. But I look at those around me who do have that (the babies at least) and I am thankful for where I’m at. I’m headed to that point, but I think I still have a few years left of figuring myself out first.
I have to remind myself to enjoy this time, because soon enough we will be in our 40s, running around as awesome wife and supermom, maybe high powered businessewoman to boot, wondering why we didn’t take advantage of our laid back lives while we had the chance!
July 1, 2009 at 02:29
I’m right there with you. I mean, I guess I have a plan, and it sounds like a good plan, but I can’t really put my finger on why this is what I’m doing instead of other things. I don’t know where I thought I would be at age (almost) 24, but I probably expected to have a boyfriend (or at least have had a boyfriend), and I think I expected to be at a place where I felt like I knew what I was doing with my life. How on Earth can anyone figure out what they want to do with their life? It’s all still a mystery to me.
July 1, 2009 at 04:13
Oooh, the layout is pretty!
I don’t know about this one. I obviously haven’t carved out a career or even chased much of anything yet. This year will probably be the ‘change’ though. 4 years out of university now and I really ought to be doing SOMETHING.
But, hey, it’s a ‘false’ drive to do something just because you’re ‘meant’ to. There are worse ways to live than a life in sunny Spain, whiling away the days and years drinking sangria…
You kind of need a purpose, a bee under your bonnet, if you want to do something meatier than that anyway Many people don’t do anything particularly ‘exciting’ with their lives… and that’s totally fine!
July 1, 2009 at 15:26
I am not where I want to be. I am not enjoying where I am.
I. Want. Out.
And I have no idea what I truly want, where that is, or how I am going to get there.
Some crazy part of me thinks that buying a house here will solve that. And the other part of my tells me I’m nuts, and I need to get out. The getting out isn’t working so well right now, or maybe I’m not looking in the right spot. I’m actually dying to live in the UK, but for us Americans, it’s really hard to get over there and get a job (without oodles of spare cash, which, I do not have).
I don’t know, I don’t know, I. Don’t. Know. And it kinda sucks.
On another note – I was watching the Natalee Holloway movie on Lifetime and directly after it was a movie called Little Girl Lost. Just thought that was funny. I didn’t see the movie though, so I’m not sure what it was about. Maybe I should go back and watch it… might help?
July 1, 2009 at 18:13
Some of your posts make me feel like I am starring in the mirror, and this is one of them. Like you in a different country and enjoying it but there is that tick in the back of my head thinking you need to get real and get back to the real world and get a proper job (means going back to the UK). [Aside: Is it possible to find a 'good' job outside the UK within the EU ] There are days when i think just enjoy the moment and then i see people older than me who had ‘a good time’ when they were younger and are now relying on their children and the state, struggling financially at a time when they should be taking things easy because they didn’t build their careers or make provisions for the future. That is a scary thought. I guess I am expecting the answer to appear in my dreams but of course it wouldn’t so I will just keep praying for a solution 
July 1, 2009 at 18:15
Respectable I know you can’t make yourself have an amzing talent, but surely everyone has a path that they are meant to take, something they love, that they are passionate about and good at? And if we don’t have, why not?
Date Girl this is true…i’m stuck between wanting to enjoy my time while I am sill young, and worrying that I’ll get to 40 and have done nothing…got nowhere! I think I just have to relax more!
Eleni but at least you’re on some kind of track, you have your ‘thing’….doesn’t matter how you got there, you’re there! You have a lot more of a plan than most of us!
Seb Thanks!
The thing is, I’d like to have a bee under my bonnet about something and have that drive…but I don’t really know what it is and I think that’s what annoys me. There’s things I’d love to do but obstacles and things I think I’d be good at but aren’t something that would just happen, it’d mean more studying…I guess I thought I’d fall into what I was supposed to do because I was meant to do it….
LPeg maybe you can work towards that? Start saving up a bit? I don’t know. I love it here but it’s not what I thought things would be! I want out of my head. I want to be able to relax with where things are going and not worry about it just yet!
July 1, 2009 at 18:17
Ah, no, you definitely need to stumble across something you want to do — and the best way to do that is by either a) throwing yourself into random things (out of your comfort zone) or b) travelling.
Then you ‘find yourself’, get a bee under your bonnet and… VOILA!
July 1, 2009 at 18:17
Sugar I think it is possible to get a good job outside the UK…however, I think you need to be fluent in the language of the country that you’re in (I’m not) or you need to get a job within a bit multi-national company (bank or something?)…. but I think that would dictate what city you were in a bit as well….no jobs like that in a little town like Nerja where I live!
July 1, 2009 at 18:28
Sebby I did find a wonderful job a few years ago and would still love to do it, but I don’t have all the right experience, it’s something in the UK and I think it’s something that older people do anyway…I DO know that I 90% surely want to work in the not for profit sector (which I did before I came away) but that’s about as far as I have gotten….and living here is putting bees nowhere!
July 1, 2009 at 21:13
I keep trying to knuckle down and find a job I want, but at the moment there’s just so many opportunities arising all the time that tying myself down to a full time career just doesn’t seem right. Whether its travel, writing, temp work in interesting places – something always comes up and my mind switches to wanting to do something else entirely.
I think there’s too much pressure on people our age to find a career and know what we want to do. Luckily, you’re in a position where you can try out all the different things you want to do. There’s always time to find a career – but for now, just enjoy whatever comes along.
July 1, 2009 at 21:54
I expected my life to be moving faster. Things to progress more quickly. Yet I feel like I’m in a standstill, and not because of my own lack of effort, but because of the way everything around me has turned out. And ya know, strangely it’s not so bad. Monotony can get the best of people, but I’m trying to live my life as best I can and enjoy what comes. If I worry too much about the next step in my career or my hope to be married with a child within three years, I might not enjoy what’s right here in front of me today.
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June 29, 2009 at 16:52
Seriously I ask myself that all the time, what I like to do is definitely something I shouldn’t do in the long run, you know? But for now I am still enjoying the ride. I hope you find what you look for. It gets confusing a lot.